went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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