you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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