I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
