I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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