its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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