benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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