And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
