some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
