finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
