those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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