Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
