September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
