Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize