and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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