Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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