They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
