It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
