I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
where are my eyebrows?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
