Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
