is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
