I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We got so high we made milksteak
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
