I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
