So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
