I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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