It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
