laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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