I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
