I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
