fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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