If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
