Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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