I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
