I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
