I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
