...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
