I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
