Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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