yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
