I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
