Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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