shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
