A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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