bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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