I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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