he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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