the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Found the puke drawer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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