There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
