You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
