That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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