i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
