there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't turn off my feet"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
