I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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