Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
