What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize