I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
