I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
