i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
