I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have post one night stand depression
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