I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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